yeaa.

aku kuat kan . yup . aku bole ja apapun .
aku tak mudah mengaku kalah . aku tak mudah lupa .
aku tak mudah dimanipulasikan . aku tak mudah utk segala segalanya .
cuma satu benda ja . aku penat . hehe . penat sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt .
tak hilang lagi penat even dh rehat lama dah . hurm . so mcm mana nie ?
what's the next solution ? hmmm . dear finaz ? tell yourself okay .
dont keep silent lah . it's so fcking lame okay ? bodoh lah ~! arghhhhh .

finaz should always remind herself on these few things :-

1. watch out her words . every word that comes out from her mouth
2. be self-reliant
3. dont think too much . until it reaches 'undefined state' which means there's no other solution anymore :P
4.be +ve for her own good
5. be true to herself
6. very high resistance and durable in any possible 'weather' . lol
7. love herself more than she loves other person .

hi , i'm back again today ..

hehe . aku rasa tak jemu nk luah segala kt sini lagi harini .
sbb aku rasa lega lps dh luah kt sni . even ada lagi benda yg sgt
private utk di luahkan . takpala . mcm ni pun okay .. dh lapang hati
aku .. erm . harini aku bangun . badan sakit2 gila . sbb smalam aku
gatai p gardening la konon kt kawasan rumah . hadoii . bapak ah .
sengal satu badan . mcm nk demam . urat aku terkejut mungkin .
hahahah . bodoh la pinaih oi . adoiyaii . p cari sakit minggu2 nk exam ni
omg ~ sakittt . rasa bebai pun ada . tekak pun sakit . dehydration kot .
aku kurang minum air putih lately . keja minum air masam2 ja .mau tekak
pun tak terkejut . haha . semua benda nk terkejut . jenoh la pinaih oiiii .
grrrrr . bongoklah awk nih . erm . arghh . aku tak sabar nk habiskan azab2 yg
bakal aku tempuhi dlm tempoh masa tak lebih 2minggu ni . kalau dh settle yg tu
aku boleh hembus nafas lega sgt sgt .hehe . sbb dah berjaya complete kan sem 4 ni.
next sem dh sem 5 . cepatnya masa berlalu . come on girl .. strive for excellence . hehe
kalau aku habis diploma nih . aku ada byk benda nk buat . continue study tu maybe benda
kedua dlm otak aku . aku rasa aku dh jmpa benda yg aku minat plus x pressure nk deal with .
bkn aku malas nk study . tapi aku rasa diri aku sesuai dgn benda yg more relaxing and tak stress
sgt . aku cepat down ~ down down down ~ haha . bongoklah kau nih finaz oi . erm . takpala .yg tu nanti kita pikir eh . nanti tau . jgn pk skrg . nanti bertambah serabut kepala otak aku yg berselirat ni . haihhh . itu sekadar benda yg terlintas dlm hati ja la kot buat masa skrg .
yg lain kita decide nanti k . erm .
oh yea mama ... tiba2 rasa rindu nk ckp ngn mama pasal future aku ..
dia ja suka melayan aku ckp bab2 future nih . kenapa time ada mama aku rasa mcm ada satu lagi semangat lain yg ada dlm diri aku .. skrg ? aku lost . pinas mtk maaf mama .. pinas x hidup dgn baik sgt .. pinas rindu mama .. kalau la mama ada lagi .. pinas leh rasa pinas leh berjaya lebih dr skrg . obviously mama .. pinas dh kaji semua .. pinas xdpt buat yg terbaik selain dr ada mama di sisi .. pinas cepat give up . pinas cepat down . kenapa cmtuh ? mama jgn sedih tgk pinas .
pinas yg cari masalah . pinas cuba settle sendiri k .. cuba sedaya upaya pinas nk atasi semua tu ..
sejak mama takda , pinas terpksa belajar terima semua benda . even pinas tak suka sekalipun . kena telan jugak . susah sgt . tapi pinas kena hadapi jgk . even takda mama di sisi pinas . tapi pengajaran tu sentiasa ada . mama selalu ada dgn kami kan ? guide kami ke arah jln yg lurus ..
mama sayang kami kan ? pinas sayang mama . i'm so sorry for everything i did as long as you lived mama .. pinas xda niat nk buat mama jauh hati . pinas mintak maaf mama .. :(

p/s:: al fatihah untuk mama yg dh jauh pergi meninggalkanku .. tapi still dkt di hati .. :) semoga roh mama dicucuri rahmat . amin ~

i think i just got my right ..

yup . aku rasa aku sgt sgt la berhak ke ats apa yg aku rasa skrg ni.
org lain just takleh interfere into my heart bussiness. it's private and confidential okay.
. aku rasa aku deserve nk rasa apapa yg aku rasa skrg ..
tak perlu nak luahkan segala kt sini . biar ja dlm hati aku ni ..
sbb aku ja yg boleh telan semua ni . :) takpa . aku kuat ..
kuat sgt . tiap2 ari i told myself that . aku doa nanti semua yg aku
rasa ni akan paid off .. suatu hari nanti .. yeah . aku tak kisah takda
org nk baca blog ni . aku just anggap benda ni medium utk aku ckp
dgn diri aku .. bkn nk show off..supaya aku lagi dkt dgn diri aku . i think
being self-centred is my current priority rather than thinking about others.
sometimes, it's just a waste of time and energy.yeah . i'm not kidding okay.
this is just true .. i cant simply ignore the facts .. aku terlalu menjaga perasaan
org lain sampai diri aku terabai . sampai bila ? you had enough kan girl ?
. apapa pun takda sapa yg leh jaga hati kita melainkan your ownself . kan kan .
so .. please jaga hati sendiri sebelum jaga hati org lain sbb hati org yg kita jaga tu
tak semestinya mampu jaga hati kita .. enough la aku dh korbankan hati aku utk
org lain selama ni . it's just pathetic okay. seriously.. sometimes tak worth it pun after
all.. bkn tak ikhlas nk buat semua tu . tuhan ja yg tau hati aku ni fond of love.
org ckp hati aku kecik sgt . nk banding dgn perwatakan aku. buat malu ja aku dgr .
malu dgn diri aku . kenapa la mcm tu eh finaz ? come on . we're waiting for the rise of finaz..
get up girl . get your way out of all the gloomy days .. bring yourself up to the limit ..
open up your eyes dear .. byk lagi benda aku tak jumpa dlm hidup ni . penuh dgn dugaan lagi.
this is just the beginning kan finaz kan .. so get yourself prepared.sbb dunia ni skrg agak kejam .even i myself cant believe the way this world revolves around me . it's kinda cruel ..
bodoh kan . mmg bodoh sgt . tapi it's true . utk nk bg manusia pengajaran yg sgt beerti dlm hidup.erm .. overall apa yg aku rasa ni it's just general okay .tiba2 aku rasa nk luah benda ni kt sini .kt real life tak tentu org nk dgr apa yg aku merepek meraban nih . so blog ni ja yg aku ada utk nk luahkan segala . selain yg Maha Esa ..

truly,
syafinaz

hmmm ..

erm . mengeluh tu tak baik kan ? aha . aku selalu sgt mengeluh lately .
penat sgt mungkin . bkn penat yg mcm lps lari ke apa . tapi penat yg
teramat sgt . rasa nk give up on everything . tapi tak boleh la .. aku

ada byk benda lagi nk kena deal lps ni . future aku ? yeah . sudah

pasti . penat mcm mana pun . life goes on okay finaz ? sbb apa

aku ckp aku penat ? sbb aku penat simpan dlm hati . semua benda

aku simpan dlm hati . sampai nk dkt overloading dh . sikit hari

lagi boleh termuntah keluar semua sekali . disebabkan pressure
yg dh di compact kan dlm satu acuan yg berbentuk hati . ahh .

apa aku merepek nih ? lantaklah . janji msg nya sampai . memang

aku penat pun . susah kan ? sometimes we may find it's really hard

to put into words . not that easy tau .. aku sendiri tak reti nk handle .

eventhough dlm hati ni dh burden sgt . nobody knows . muka aku

serius 24/7 semenjak 2 menjak ni . susah nk mengukir senyuman.
bkn aku sengaja . padahal mcm org taktau otak gila2 aku dulu . bab

gelak2 ni serah kt aku kot. haha . tahla. tapi tu finaz yg dulu..mmg 1001

benda aku tgh fikir . tapi tak solve2 jgk .hehe . shit aaaa ~ penat kot ..

kdg2 aku rasa kan . finaz yg skrg jauh lagi matang dr finaz yg dulu ..
tapi yg tak best sense of humour finaz yg lama dh x lekat skali dgn aku .

aku dh byk berubah .. ya Allah . sungguh aku tak sengaja nk lukakan hati

org kt sekeliling aku . tapi byk benda yg aku nk kena fikir sgt buat aku

jadi mcm ni . senang temper , sensitive sgt2 plus apa lagi la kan .
so now mcm mana ? aku stucked dh okay ? aku ada dkt tgh2 antara dua

dunia yg berbeza . aku dh taktau nk langkah ke mana . maybe aku akan

terus kt sini ja kot . sbb ini mmg aku .. buat masa skrg .. tak semua benda

aku boleh share dgn org2 yg close dgn aku .. bkn sbb mereka tak penting dh

dlm hidup aku . tapi aku ada byk benda nk kena consider before aku luahkan

apa yg terbuku dlm hati aku ni . kdg2 org xleh terima even dia syg aku mcm

mana pun . so sgtla susah bagi aku nk meluahkan segalanya .. even it sounds

quite simple . just say everything out . thats all . as simple as that . haahh laaa .

easier said than do la . hurmmm..plus la kan . org lain pun cm ada prob masing2

taksemua boleh ada utk aku .. takpala . aku x salahkan sapa2 pun ok . salah aku

jgk . byk sgt serabut sana sini . berkerut dahi tak tentu pasai. haihh .. tahla .. sorry

okay guys ?

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim ..

Hanya Kau yang mengerti segala isi hatiku .. takda ragu2 lagi. . semoga Dia

permudahkan segala urusan hidup aku lepas ni . tenangkan hati aku selalu .

biar semua mudah ja utk aku lalui .. tetapkan hati aku jua Ya Allah .. Amin ~

bila rasaku ini rasamu

aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu
dan tak pernah ku sesali itu
seluruh jiwa telah kuserahkan
menggenggam janji setiaku
ku mohon jangan jadikan seperti
alasan kau menyakitiku
meski pun cintamu tak hanya untukku
tapi cobalah sejenak mengerti
reff:bila rasaku ini rasamu
sanggupkah engkau menahan sakitnya terkhianati cinta yang kau jaga
coba bayangkan kembali
betapa hancurnya hati ini kasih
semua telah terjadi
aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu

it's miamor's birthday .. yepeee !!!

finally i get managed to set up a surprise one for him .
although it didn't go according to my pre-planning which
i'd planned about a fortnight ago .. but it's still okay . as long
as i'd managed to make him surprised . omg~ i could not
help myself to recall back his face expression on that time ..
lawak okay ? eventhough dlm hati ada cuak sikit2 time tu . afraid incase
he might get mad . who knows ? he might be unpredictable at any particular time .
yeah.. hehe . tapi sayang . i didnt even had a chance to capture any photos with him ..
dayang2 aku dah lupa mungkin . nk snap pic aku together with miamor<3 ..
tu ja la kot yg ralat sikit . yg lain semua everything was fine .. lega ~
even takdala gempak sgt pun . it's just an ordinary birthday surprise .
but aku still happy because i'd tried my best to make him happy dgn cara aku
yg agak kelam kabut . n bongok2 skit . heheh . sorry kay syg ? for all the lies i'd made for
that day . it's all because of you .. i could never been this happy before just to see your smile on
your 'day' of the year ..yea .. it means a lot to me .. :) you should know why .. ;p



p/s:: credits to my bff , aqilah othman , aqilah's younger sister (asma) , my indonesian maid ( suyanti) and lastly my dear sister syamilia for being my company . ily girls . muacks muacks . and not being left out ..ofcourse my miamor <3 with a message :: i l y s m , and semoga panjang umur k sayang .. :*:*:*

here's a message for you dear heart

dear heart ..
please get heal as soon as possible ..
be as strong as you could ..
this is a command ..
you have to obey it ..

truly ,
syafinaz

same goes here

i'm sorry too ..
even if i dont know for what purpose of saying so ..
i'm just too tired ..
never mind ..
no point of arguing ..
no point of talking from heart-to-heart..
no point of taking hearts..
the answers are always there ..
so ..
let's start it all over again ..
i have nothing to say anymore ..
i know where exactly i'm standing ..
you dont have to remind me on every single thing..
all i know is every second in my life ..
i'd tried to do my best for this relationship ..
if you could see it from the bottom of your heart ..

love,
syafinaz nordin

dont be too blind to see ..

open your eyes widenedly ..
to see through me ..
yeah ..
everything lays inside there ..
you dont have to find it so hard ..
it's just there ..
i won't guide you to the way ..
because it's just there ..
i told ya like a million times right mate ?
you dont have to put so much efforts to get it ..
just a little consideration ..
and some faiths ..

comment : i dont know why i tend to talk about faith these days .. maybe i'm just too much of it ..
urghh . why this life is so damn bored ? i hope that on the other way round i may find this life is
quite meaningful yet unpredictable yet blissful .. err . perhaps ? could it be ? erm .. amin ~ with god's mercy ..

hmmm ..

why me ?
am i alrite ?
yeaa . think i do . but somehow think i'm not in a steady state yet:)
huh .. life treated me quite unwell lately .
i'm feeling so uneasy ..
i'm feeling so insecured ..
i'm paranoid ..
i'm stucked ..
i'm feeling all goes wrong ..
i'm really not into something which i supposed to do .
urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ..
oh shit ..
state what else fynaz ? do you have some more to say ?
those negative things aint bring you no where sayang ..
please gather back every piece that left in you ..
arrange them as one ..
and such nightmares will soon be gone ..
just put a 100% trust in yourself okie dokie ?

p/s: dear heart , i'm so sorry that i've been hard on you lately .. yeah . so hard on you .. sorry for all the things i've put you through .. i hope you will get well soon dear heart ..

blurry moments

oh yea . i dont know why i am being so fucking lame these days ..
the more i get to strenghten a piece of mine ..
the more lame i get ..
oh shit . this kind of situation should not happen to you my dear..
you're too much this time ..
please let it go ..
past is past rite honey?
dont let the past reflected you ..
never let it overshadowed you ..
you're going no where with all of em ..
they're only your obstacles ..
not your miracles ..
come on , switch their places..
let them be your inspiration ..
towards a better 'YOU'..
how many times you got to remind all these things to yourself actually?
*sighs*sighs*

truly,
-a letter from your heart -

to you-know-who-you-are =]

There was something he did .. it was sweet ..
Eventhough i felt like laughing . it’s kinda ridiculous actually.
But nvr mind . Arghh . love you moreeeee sayangggg .
I love you more than i love myself .. hurm ..
Thanks for the unpredictable action .
I’ve never expected it . hehe ..
you threw away that stuff into the sea .
Yeah . together with a love spell . thanks .
So sweet of you honey bunch .
I love you so much with all my hearts ..
note that to yourself sayang ..
always do ..
because i really do love you ..

p/s:: you may take it as nothing or just an ordinary action ..
but then it doesnt really work on me. hehe . yea . i would say it has left me a thousand sentimental values instead :)


with love,
syafinaz nordin

yeah . i'm great !

i'm being good anytime , anywhere , and any how ..
you have no point to doubt me ..
i'm changing for good ..
i'm doing the best as i could ..
to be true ..
i have nothing more to hide ..
this is just me ..
accept me at your own risk ..
but dont forget to have some faiths in me ..
or it might end up no where ..
i'm afraid so ..
:( i dont want it to happen ..
because i'm dying for this one ..
Ya Allah ..
give me the strenght to overcome all this ..
amin ..

truly ,
syafinaz <3